Nanner bread is a wonderful thing, but so are poppy seed muffins. If you’re anything like me, you want to turn anything lemon-flavored into something lemon-poppy seed-flavored. Texture, you guys. So when I found this recipe by 101 Cookbooks, I did. And now you can too. Now you don’t have to decide between/eat both banana bread and a lemon poppy seed muffin.

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup dark brown sugar
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
2 tablespoons poppy seeds
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups mashed bananas (3-4 ripe-ass nanners)
1/4 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest + the juice of one lemon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

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If someone says to you, “Pumpkin Snickerdoodles with Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting” and you DON’T immediately try to kiss that person and/or steal the plate of cookies they are offering, you are dead inside. Or you’re really polite. But seriously:

Snickerdoodles are good.

Pumpkin is good.

Frosting is the absolute tits.

Let’s get these kids together.

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You know who does breakfast right?

The Germans.

Because here is what they serve:
Bread that was probably baked that morning in an adorable bakery by a lovely woman in an apron
Cold cuts
Fresh fruit

And if you are lucky, Bircher Muesli. Bircher muesli is a kind of oatmeal, only it’s better than traditional gummy, hot, bland oatmeal. In order to make normal oatmeal delicious, you have to add heaps of sugar and fruit and cinnamon and milk. Not this stuff. Oats are soaked overnight and then flavored with nuts and yogurt and fruit. And it’s stupid easy to make. (Traditional Bircher Muesli recipes call for a much higher concentration of chopped fruit to grains, but hey. It’s my blog.)

Here’s what you need:

2/3 cup rolled oats (you want rolled, or old fashioned. Not steel cut.)
1 cup milk (or soy milk, or almond milk, depending on how hippie you want to get with this)
2 tablespoons chia seeds (Yeah. I go there.)
Grated apple (optional)

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Summary of baking process for the Big-Ass Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake:

1. Be related to someone who has a birthday. Someone who admittedly does not like “sweet things, or desserts, really.” Remind yourself that you have to love them because they are blood but why can’t they enjoy cake like a normal human.

2. Remember that they love chocolate chip cookies.

3. Read this blog, and then this post. Develop a girl crush.

4. Get all excited to use your cast iron skillet. Then look in the mirror and say, I am not a pioneer. I do not live in the mountains. Calm down a little.

4. Bake the shit out of it.

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The original post where I found this recipe calls it the “Speedy Cheezy Protein Pasta Bowl.” Only I kind of hate that name because not only is it too long, but “cheezy,” with it’s needless “z,” is a really obnoxious word. Also “protein” being highlighted as a particular dietary benefit always makes me think of sperm.

And I couldn’t call it the Yeast-y Protein Bowl, because yeast is even worse. You know what I mean.

Hence, the Goddamn Hippie Winter Bowl.

It’s actually pretty good.

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2 sticks butter, softened to room temperature
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4-5 cups confectioner’s (powdered) sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup of half and half, milk, or whatever hippie soy/almond substitute you use. Plus more if needed.

*This makes a metric shit-ton of frosting. Consider using the leftovers during sexy time with your boy- or lady-friend. If they aren’t already, this will totally make them fall in love with you.

Step 1:
Whip the living daylights out of the butter, the brown sugar, and the cinnamon. You could stop here, make pancakes, and use that as a spread, but I already had breakfast so we’re moving forward with the frosting.

Step 2: 
Add the vanilla, and a splash of the milk. Whip/beat it* a little bit more.

*Making frosting has some really aggressive, sexually suggestive language. On that note, does anyone know any single boys who like baked goods?

Step 3:
Add a third of the powdered sugar. Beat until fully incorporated. Spend the next few minutes adding powdered sugar, then some milk, then some more sugar. Stop occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl, and also so you have an excuse to lick the spatula.

Adding the sugar in little doses like this and then totally combining it makes for a smoother, fluffier frosting in the end. And if you run out of milk but haven’t gotten to your desired frosting consistency, add a little bit more. I’ll look away.

Step 4:
Now, go back to the snickerdoodle cake you just made, and frost it. Frost it hard, and frost it long.


Adapted from Always With Butter


For the cake:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 stick butter, softened to room temperature
3/4 cup fine or superfine sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature
1/2 tablespoon vanilla extract
3/4 cups whole milk, warmed to room temperature

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