Wine for Annoying People Who Do Things

Recently, the Clif Family Winery released the Climber Pouch. In a BPA-free, flexible plastic pouch, this wine is travel-friendly and green and is basically the wet dream of yuppie winos around the world.

“Go anywhere,” is their tagline. Implied is “…and drink wine while you’re doing it.” Because how could one possibly enjoy star gazing, or urban foraging, or a Dave Matthews concert without the lingering taste of cabernet? I hope this opens the floodgates for more hippie- and yuppie-targeted wine products. Like the following:

Hackey Sack Pinot Noir
Tagline: “Best Served Chill”
Packaging: Plastic pouch shaped like a gigantic hackey sack. Challenge your friends!

Slacklining Merlot
Tagline: “If you’re a white guy with dreads, you’ll love our big reds.”
Packaging:  Dual bottles can be held in each hand to improve balance.

Geocaching Rosé
Tagline: “As mildly pleasant as your outdoor activity.”
Packaging: Comes with its own Northface fleece.

Hula Hoop Syrah
Tagline: “Swirl. Sip. Swirl.”
Packaging: COMES IN AN ACTUAL HULA HOOP.

 Farmer’s Market Chardonnay
Tagline: “Pairs well with Camembert and Camelbaks.”
Packaging: Plastic pouch that turns into reusable tote.

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