These are the things every hairdresser says to me when I get my hair cut.
Every. Single. Time.
1. “It’s okay that your hair is really thin because it’s also kind of curly.”
2. “You’re swimmer? You should put conditioner in your hair before you get in the water. And do you wear a cap?”
Conditioner renders your head so slippery no cap will stay on in the water. Also, every swimmer worth their salt wears a goddamn cap.
3. “So, do you have a boyfriend?”
Knowing me, no. And now I’m uncomfortable.
See also: Intense discomfort during the shampoo. Who in blazes designed those sinks with the neckholes, because I have yet to come across one that doesn’t make me feel like I’m trapping all my blood in my head. Also intense discomfort with weird cloth that sometimes gets wrapped around one’s neck. I think I would mind bits of hair less. And stop making me try to talk to you.
4. “You should use a diffuser to dry your hair. Here. I’ll show you how.”
You mean I point the end that blows out the hot air at my scalp? Ohhhhhhhh.
5. “Your hair will be even curlier now that there isn’t so much weighing it down.”
No. It won’t.
6. *runs fingers through my hair over and over* “I’m just placing your curls.”
Pretty sure you’re just turning everything into a loose, frizzy mess. Please take your hands away.
7. “I’m going to use some saltwater spray for a ‘beachy’ look.”
Actually you’re going to use some saltwater spray for an “unwashed hippie look.”