I’m on a Masters Swim Team, and we are currently trying to come up with a new mascot. Our coach is Syrian, and there is occasionally a language barrier when the team discusses important issues such as mascots or workouts. It doesn’t help that he occasionally substitutes the French spelling of words when he writes workouts on the board because it will “teach us things.”
Below are the five worst swim team mascots I can think of. There are already enough people calling themselves dolphins and otters. And these are funnier.
1. The Wet Pussies
photo courtesy of m a t t i e u
Cats hate to swim. That’s why this is hilarious. Not the other reason.
2. The Rocks
photo courtesy of Chris_J
Our coach once sent an email to the team that included the phrase, “You are rocks.” We think he meant “You rock.” But are not 100% sure.
Also, we’re in San Francisco. And sometimes we swim in the Bay. And Alcatraz is in the Bay. And some people call Alcatraz “the Rock.”
That makes two really good reasons we should call ourselves after an object that does the exact opposite of what a swimmer does.
3. The Butt Cracks
Everyone has seen a man who wears his speedo a size or two too small. And the resulting inch or so of ass crack that peeks out. This is a recurring topic of conversation in the swimming community, and I want to encourage that.
4. The Octi-Jockeys
5. I’m going to send this last one to our coach as a 100% serious mascot submission, which would make us the San Francisco Missile-firing Raptor Sharks.