Summary of baking process for the Big-Ass Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake:
1. Be related to someone who has a birthday. Someone who admittedly does not like “sweet things, or desserts, really.” Remind yourself that you have to love them because they are blood but why can’t they enjoy cake like a normal human.
2. Remember that they love chocolate chip cookies.
4. Get all excited to use your cast iron skillet. Then look in the mirror and say, I am not a pioneer. I do not live in the mountains. Calm down a little.
4. Bake the shit out of it.
Ingredients (copied exactly from eatliverun’s original, because it is truly excellent)
2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt (plus more for sprinkling)
2 1/2 cups flour
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
Mix the dry ingredients.
Soften your butter, whether that means liquefying it in the microwave or on the stove top, or gently warming it but allowing it to stay solid. This is a cookie, people. It doesn’t matter that much.
Beat/stir together the butter and sugar.
Add eggs. Add vanilla.
Add the wet stuff to the dry stuff. Mix in chocolate chips.
Grease your skillet (or pie pan. Whatever.) Pretend you’re baking something like oatcakes or cornpone* for the hungry farmhands who are out in the fields right now. Give yourself a mental slap across the face.
* Is that a sex act yet? Because it should be.
Dump the batter into the skillet and smooth out the top. Generously sprinkle salt (sea or Maldon if you’ve got it. And I bet you’ve got it, if you’re the kind of person who reads recipes on blogs. It’s okay. I do it too.)
Allow giant cookie to cool.
Stick a candle in it.