Or, How to Make New Years Not Suck.
Start your new year with Schneider Weisse Day* Eve (January 1st), and Schneider Weisse Day (January 2nd). Because it is so much better than being hungover after a night stuck a shitty bar full of people you don’t like.
You will not regret this.
The History of Schneider Weisse Day
Begun in 1769, in the Bavarian hamlet of Likkensiedikken, Schneider Weisse Day is a celebration of the new year. And of sausage.
That’s pretty much it.
How to Celebrate
1. Buy a jar of Bockwurst. Preferably on clearance, and preferably of the least-enticing presentation possible. If you can find it pickled or cured, in a jar, you’re on the right track.
It should smell like cat food.
2. Rent a cabin and invite the kind of people who appreciate clearance-rack sausage.
3. Enforce a dress code consisting of
– Down vests and/or jackets
– 1980’s era après-ski gear
– Traditional German lederhosen or dirndls
– Varying amounts of nudity
4. Speak only in exaggerated German accents. End most of your sentences with “Ja?”
5. Let the magic happen. Whether or not you open and consume the bockwurst depends entirely on how much you and your friends like to place bets.
*This is an entirely made-up holiday. Schneider Weisse is actually a brand of German beer, and has nothing to do with sausage. Other than the fact that is is German. Which means it’s probably all about the sausage.**
**I’m German, so this is not racist.