Thing I hate #29: Little Girls Wearing Makeup

I have a thing against the tarted-up look in general, but excessive makeup is at its worst when it’s on the face of a little girl. Why, why, WHY is it ever necessary to apply lipstick and blush and eyeshadow to the face of a five year-old?

Answer: It’s not.

Holy fake nails and patriotism, Batman.

It’s not cute, like when they clomp around in your over-sized shoes. Or when they put on a too-big sweatshirt and the sleeves drag on the ground. It’s fucking creepy, and it shouldn’t be allowed. Moms (and really, really weird Dads), stop putting makeup on your daughters. Because makeup is about correcting your face, removing the blemishes and fixing whatever imperfections your life has caused. And someone who isn’t even 10 yet should never have to worry about that.

Makeup is also about enhancing certain features, usually for sex appeal. So when you paint up your kindergartner’s face, what you’re really telling her is:

– I’m okay with you turning on pedophiles.
– This is probably toxic, but at least boys will notice you.
– You’re not old enough to sign your name, but you are old enough to enhance your cheekbones!
– It’s too bad your boobs haven’t come in yet, or you’d be owning first grade.
– Nothing is more important than having a pretty face. Except for maybe awesome hair.
– You look like Barbie! Who is totally artificial! Which is a good thing!

If there’s anything worse than a slutty preschooler, it’s the mothers and fathers who let her get that way. Clearly, I also have a problem with beauty pageants for little girls since they’re pretty much the prime overly-makeupped child environment, but that’s its own separate, expletive-filled rant. Also: why are all the really young pageant contestants totally pig-faced? It’s like they’re screening for fat cheeks and upturned noses. And really terrible parenting skills. And not surprisingly, Wal Mart has cashed in on the booming industry of “tween makeup.”

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