Call me sexist. Call me deaf. Call me uncultured and lame and disrespectful. But I don’t really like female musical artists. It’s less misogynistic for me to say this because I am a girl, but it still doesn’t negate the fact that when a chick opens her mouth to belt out a song, I’m usually bored.
There are notable exceptions to this rule, but that’s what they are: exceptions. I like it when Alison Kraus sings a beautiful folk song. I like Feist. I like Idina Menzel’s badass pipes. And for all these very talented women, one or two songs is all I want at a time. An entire CD? No, thank you.
I can’t make this statement in public without people (usually chicks) huffily asking me, “What about ____??” Answer: They are lame. I wish I could explain it in a more eloquent way, but the women who make popular music today just leave me cold. I’ll pick out a few of my least favorites:
Britney Spears‘ baby voice is atrocious. It’s artificial and contrived and just plain shitty. America can do better.
Norah Jones and Macy Gray are two more lady singers I cannot stand. Their high, wavering voices are as fun to listen to as a mosquito whine. I have a hard time differentiating one song from the next, since they’re all gaspy, rambling ballads about emotions and stuff.
Ke$ha deserves a swift punch in the ovaries, as does anyone whose lyrics include “Sayin’ blah, blah, blah, ‘cus I don’t care who you are in this bar / It only matters who I am.” Conceited and trashy all at once. Great work.
And who the hell decided that underage Daddy’s girls like Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift get to make top selling albums? I wouldn’t begrudge them the success* if they had talent and/or something meaningful to sing about, but when they’re just too-precious little girls who get to play rockstar, mincing around a stage singing frothy nothings into the mic, it sets my teeth on edge. Their audience wants nothing more than the musical version of their sugary Starbucks drinks, and boy, are they getting it.
*No. I would still totally begrudge them.
I fully realize that these are the worst of the worst, but I still have a hard time listening to more than one song in a row of a woman singing and enjoying it. Oh well.
Featured photo courtesy of Great Beyond/Flickr