Of all the feminine idiosyncrasies, the one where girls slap on concealer and mascara before they head to the gym is possibly the most baffling to me. (Even more so than the one where they’re all “These stiletto heels? They’re so comfortable I could run in them!” …because no, they’re not.)
So because I think everything in life needs to be listed out, following are the reasons girls who wear makeup when they exercise are stupid.
1. You sweat when you work out, right?
From extensive personal experience, I can vouch for the fact that some girls are absolute sweat monsters when they exercise. So why go to all the trouble of painting up your face if your body is just going to turn into its own rainforest and undo all your hard work?
Plus, no matter how waterproof the brands claim it to be, makeup and especially that bastard mascara are going to run. They’re going to run like a four year old with a kite who doesn’t quite understand physics yet.*
2. You’re at the gym.
It smells like ballsweat and rubber and bleach, and there are guys wearing ratty shirts and socks that haven’t been washed for like, ever. So why do some ladies still act like they’re going to cotillion? THIS IS NOT A FASHION SHOW.
3. If you’re not at the gym, you’re somewhere equally at odds with the concept of makeup.
Including: A mountain. A river. A pool. A running track. The beach. On a bicycle. On a yoga mat. In a canoe. In a rowboat. In a raft. Any time you are wearing a life vest. Riding a horse. Pulling a semi uphill with chain. Throwing tires. On skis. On snowshoes. On a snowboard. On a mono board. On a skateboard because you are the chick that is cool enough to defy convention and ride a skateboard and not fall off. In the ocean. Rollerblading. Rollerskating. At karate breaking boards with your bare hands. Krav Maga-ing. Punching people (in a boxing ring). A tennis court. A basketball court. A softball field. A soccer field. A volleyball court. Fencing (seriously – you wear a mask).
4. Your “I Feel Naked Without Makeup” excuse is really, really dumb.
If you feel naked without makeup, know this: Makeup does not make you beautiful. Yes, it can enhance certain features and downplay others, but ultimately, your face is your face. Accept that you have flaws and that, sometimes, the real world will have to see them. Your scars/freckles/eyebrows make you a more interesting, unique person.* The kind of person who someone else might want to get to know. So don’t wear makeup to the gym and you just might get a smile or wave, instead of the bemused looks and eye rolls that people (me) give you otherwise.
*But not your neck tattoo – by all means, cover that shit up.
5. Makeup is expensive.
Blow your money on something worthwhile, like rollerblades or inflatable fountains.
6. People will make fun of you behind your back.
For example: This entire post.
Featured image courtesy of stacya/Flickr