Thing I hate #16: People Who Smile All the Time

Photo courtesy of Dani Ayu/Flickr

Not just smiley people. People who NEVER STOP SMILING. And at stupid times, too. Like when they’re copying things at Kinkos. Or riding the bus. Or going to the bathroom. Just guessing on that last one, but can you imagine anything weirder than someone taking their morning dump with a calm grin on their face?

Or maybe that’s how you poop. Freak.

You’ve seen them. It’s the woman wandering the aisles with a grocery cart, gently smiling to herself as she looks at yogurt. It’s the man on the bus quietly grinning into space who looks too clean-cut to be tripping but still creeps you out. It’s the elementary school teacher who wears chunky jewelry and bright skirts and doesn’t stop smiling ever, even when she’s telling you your kid has started using the Nazi salute during roll call.

The ever-present smile annoys me because it takes away the power of that person’s genuine smile. Don’t give me any crap about how maybe they’re just a generally happy person and they really do have reasons to be smiling all the time. That’s bullshit, and no one’s life is that fantastic. I could never take someone seriously who doesn’t give the impression they’ve weathered some kind of emotional or physical pain. Perma-smilers give the impression that they’ve floated through life on a bed of marshmallows and comfy shoes and the ability to always find parking paces.

I suppose one excuse could be a past of heavy drug use and/or plastic surgery. But still.

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