Thing I hate #3: The Baby Voice

Photo courtesy of frtozed2/Flickr

Oh, you’ve heard it.

Probably coming out of some clearly-high-maintenance girl shopping with her boyfriend, asking him if he likes the skirt she’s trying on (he doesn’t give a rat’s ass).

Or when your friend is asking her dad for a new cell phone.

…Wait. I mean her Daddy, because despite the fact that she is upwards of twenty years old, she still talks to her father like she’s four.

Or when that girl who does not have a pet but feels the need to tell every dog-walker how much she loves animals bends down to pet each dog unfortunate enough to cross her path. “Ohhhh,  cutie pie! c’mere little puppy…wuv your little tummy. Do you like petties? You do? You DO?!”

Shut UP. For all our sakes.

It is decidedly not okay for a grown woman to speak in a high-pitched voice as she replaces her l’s with w’s.

Nor is she allowed to snivel and simper like someone who hasn’t finished 2nd grade.

Or ever, ever stop using her words and just make extended whining noises during a conversation.

Baby-voice girl, you’re not cute. And you’re not charming anyone. In fact, you’re making the rest of us pretty uncomfortable. We don’t know whether to treat you like a lucid human being or put you in timeout.

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