The Dipsea Trail

The Dipsea is a legendary, hilly-as-**** trail that runs from Mill Valley to Stinson Beach. Many know it as a challenging running race, famous for the 636 stairs that mark the beginning of the route. Or a full day, sweaty hike.

How to Hike (Not Run) the Dipsea:

Start in Mill Valley. Find parking. Find the trail head. A five year old helped us.

Keep following the signs for the Dipsea. There will be plenty.

Keep going uphill, and uphill, and uphill, until your shirt clings to your back and you have swampass.

Think about counting the stairs so that you can brag to your friends later.

Stop thinking about counting the stairs.

Start thinking about breathing enough instead.

Use photo ops as excuses to stop and catch your breath.

Record, for posterity, animals peeing by the trail.

After epic amounts of uphill, prepare your knees for the opposite direction. Try not to remember that you have to come back this way.

Examine the following closely:

• Moss
• Poops
• Bridges
• Tiny waterfalls
• Slugs

Because they are cool.

Stinson Beach is the halfway/turnaround point. At this point, you may be making half serious, half joking remarks about hitching a ride home from a stranger.

Of course you’re joking.

Maybe.

When you get to Stinson remember that really, it’s a pretty awesome day.

Refuel with either food you carried, or whatever you want from the cafe near the beach.

Turn around.

Repeat.

Muir Woods Hike

Or, How To Take Advantage Of An Unseasonably Warm Winter During A Three Day Weekend.

Step 1: Go to a grocery store with your cousin late at night and buy food for your hike the next day. Impulse purchases are highly encouraged. Do not forget the salami.

Step 2: Drive friend and cousin to Muir Woods early the next morning. You will beat the tourists and the inevitable parking clusterfuck. This is worth a few less hours of sleep.

Start the hike, and laugh/make fun of the women wearing high-heeled boots and makeup. You are better than them.

Step 3: Take the Lost Trail to the Panorama Trail, to the Tourist Club, to the Dipsea Trail. Trail names are the best.

Step 4: Stop often to view the Pacific Ocean from the Panorama trail. This makes an excellent excuse for stopping because you need to catch your breath after climbing roughly 3,497 stairs.

Step 5: Eat crackers and cheese and salami overlooking Muir Beach. Best part was watching two boys play with their father on a homemade catapult/seesaw.

Kidding.

Best part was the salami.

Thing I Love #6: Northern California in the Fall

I live in a state where, when December hits, it’s still warm enough to go hiking in shorts. Where green grass is perennial (okay, it turns brown in the summer) and it is possible to get a tanline before Thanksgiving dinner.

So even though we don’t get white Christmases, the seasons are still lovely. Hell, I LIKE the fact that “winter clothing” means “probably not flip flops” (I wear them anyways, puddles be damned). Leaves change colors, the air gets crisp and cool and our dogs find pieces of decomposing deer to chew on during our walks.