Merle lives with his punk rock mom and dad in NY.
He walks like a boss.
And he fucking loves corners.
NNNNGGGGGGHHHHH.
Merle: The Raddest Chinchilla Ever.
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Wine for Annoying People Who Do Things
Recently, the Clif Family Winery released the Climber Pouch. In a BPA-free, flexible plastic pouch, this wine is travel-friendly and green and is basically the wet dream of yuppie winos around the world.
“Go anywhere,” is their tagline. Implied is “…and drink wine while you’re doing it.” Because how could one possibly enjoy star gazing, or urban foraging, or a Dave Matthews concert without the lingering taste of cabernet? I hope this opens the floodgates for more hippie- and yuppie-targeted wine products. Like the following:
Hackey Sack Pinot Noir
Tagline: “Best Served Chill”
Packaging: Plastic pouch shaped like a gigantic hackey sack. Challenge your friends!
Slacklining Merlot
Tagline: “If you’re a white guy with dreads, you’ll love our big reds.”
Packaging: Dual bottles can be held in each hand to improve balance.
Geocaching Rosé
Tagline: “As mildly pleasant as your outdoor activity.”
Packaging: Comes with its own Northface fleece.
Hula Hoop Syrah
Tagline: “Swirl. Sip. Swirl.”
Packaging: COMES IN AN ACTUAL HULA HOOP.
Farmer’s Market Chardonnay
Tagline: “Pairs well with Camembert and Camelbaks.”
Packaging: Plastic pouch that turns into reusable tote.
The Dipsea Trail
The Dipsea is a legendary, hilly-as-**** trail that runs from Mill Valley to Stinson Beach. Many know it as a challenging running race, famous for the 636 stairs that mark the beginning of the route. Or a full day, sweaty hike.
How to Hike (Not Run) the Dipsea:
Start in Mill Valley. Find parking. Find the trail head. A five year old helped us.
Keep following the signs for the Dipsea. There will be plenty.
Keep going uphill, and uphill, and uphill, until your shirt clings to your back and you have swampass.
Think about counting the stairs so that you can brag to your friends later.
Stop thinking about counting the stairs.
Start thinking about breathing enough instead.
Use photo ops as excuses to stop and catch your breath.
Record, for posterity, animals peeing by the trail.
After epic amounts of uphill, prepare your knees for the opposite direction. Try not to remember that you have to come back this way.
Examine the following closely:
- Moss
- Poops
- Bridges
- Tiny waterfalls
- Slugs
Because they are cool.
Stinson Beach is the halfway/turnaround point. At this point, you may be making half serious, half joking remarks about hitching a ride home from a stranger.
Of course you’re joking.
Maybe.
When you get to Stinson remember that really, it’s a pretty awesome day.
Refuel with either food you carried, or whatever you want from the cafe near the beach.
Turn around.
Repeat.
Like this:
My Beautiful Sister and Her Beautiful Dog
World, meet Eryka and Mimzy.
This is Eryka.
Eryka loves moss.
This is Mimzy.
Named after a mentally retarded South Park character, Mimzy has teeth like a shark, and enjoys short walks on the beach, garbage trucks, and food. All food.
A few weeks ago, Mimzy went to the ocean for the first time in her short life. Here’s how it went:
Above is Ryan. He is in the air force and was celebrating “Mustache March” to the fullest.
After the beach we went to the Botanical Gardens in Golden Gate park. Mimzy wasn’t allowed in, so we let her eat a few flowers outside first.
This is Eryka in some Erica flowers.
This is Eryka REALLY into the Erica flowers.
This is Eryka stoked on turtles.
On the way home Eryka took these photos with my phone. And then set the first one as my wallpaper. I love her.
Thing I hate # 36: Every Haircut I’ve Ever Had, Ever.
These are the things every hairdresser says to me when I get my hair cut.
Every. Single. Time.
1. “It’s okay that your hair is really thin because it’s also kind of curly.”
2. “You’re swimmer? You should put conditioner in your hair before you get in the water. And do you wear a cap?”
Conditioner renders your head so slippery no cap will stay on in the water. Also, every swimmer worth their salt wears a goddamn cap.
3. “So, do you have a boyfriend?”
Knowing me, no. And now I’m uncomfortable.
See also: Intense discomfort during the shampoo. Who in blazes designed those sinks with the neckholes, because I have yet to come across one that doesn’t make me feel like I’m trapping all my blood in my head. Also intense discomfort with weird cloth that sometimes gets wrapped around one’s neck. I think I would mind bits of hair less. And stop making me try to talk to you.
4. ”You should use a diffuser to dry your hair. Here. I’ll show you how.”
You mean I point the end that blows out the hot air at my scalp? Ohhhhhhhh.
5. ”Your hair will be even curlier now that there isn’t so much weighing it down.”
No. It won’t.
6. *runs fingers through my hair over and over* “I’m just placing your curls.”
Pretty sure you’re just turning everything into a loose, frizzy mess. Please take your hands away.
7. “I’m going to use some saltwater spray for a ‘beachy’ look.”
Actually you’re going to use some saltwater spray for an “unwashed hippie look.”
